eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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