around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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