I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
