i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
