Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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