I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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