woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
