Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
