Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
