I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
