Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
