I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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