The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
