Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just pee around me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
