Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
