Im at strip club and am horny
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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