In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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