$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
