Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
