Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think i have two assholes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
