she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
