just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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