i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
