Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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