I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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