I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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