Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
