I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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