I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
