we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
