you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
