guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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