There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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