i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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