take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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