it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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