Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
