It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
