According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
