my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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