all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
