I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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