Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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