so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
