I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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