Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
