U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
