I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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