Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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