When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
