There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
