when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
