There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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