I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
