Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
