JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
