this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
