Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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