That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
