Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
