If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
