i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
