True but thats because hes a fetus.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
