Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
