I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
